Bhagavan, or as Teza’s sweet husband Carter calls him, our buddy Billy Bob Bhagavan, is The Lord God, the most eternal name for God, the huge ancient God before any religion, any incarnation, any expression of God. I love chanting to Bhagavan. I always experience The Lord God as a primordial infinitely profound and glorious presence.
TeZa explained how Satchidananda means Sat – Truth of Being, Chid – Consciousness and Ananda – Bliss, and how this is what all humans long for. This is why we chant, why we meditate – to know this Truth, Consciousness and Bliss.
So, we began the chant and my mind wandered in and out as it usually does. I would chant, then think of something I wanted to post on my blog (NaBloPoMo has me thinking a little bit too much about such things). But as I allowed the chant to do its work on me I started feeling this ancient Presence of Bhagavan and I started feeling this underlying yearning for Satchidananda.
My entire focus went inward and upward (I even forgot about my blog for a few moments there). I could feel this reunion with Bhagavan, the presence of The Lord God of my Being. And I could feel my heart aching, yearning and breaking in this core longing to know God, to know the Truth of my Being, to dwell in this Consciousness, to live in this Bliss. My heart was burning and I could feel the flame focusing me inward, upward, deeper into this presence of God.
In that moment of yearning, I remembered how years ago I had gone into a big city for a meeting with some lawyers on behalf of a spiritual group. We were doing the worldly paperwork needed for us to do what we wanted to do from our Love of the Divine, part of the necessary steps to follow. As we were leaving the attorneys’ office and getting back into our car, all of a sudden I could feel everything in the whole city as a manifestation for our yearning for God – not just us, but all of humanity. All the buildings, all the roads, the parks, the cars – I could feel how every human invention, every human endeavor was actually coming from our longing to return to God, even if we don’t know it. The motivating energy behind humanity, in all our efforts, all our drive to be successful, to grow and learn, to study science and engineering, to be bigger and better – that underlying motivation has always been to find our way back Home to union and wholeness. And as I was feeling this, I could feel that same energy IN all the things we have created. The skyscrapers were reaching up towards Heaven, our rocket ships and submarines are both striving to reach God as quickly as possible, our laws and systems and governments are all attempts at getting closer to God. I looked at the building we had parked next to and every single faded yellow brick was screaming for God.
In some strange way – I could even feel that all the terrible things that humans have done, all the hurtfulness and cruelty, was also coming from some kind of yearning for God. It was just twisted in the wrong direction, like a child that wants to be held and when it perceives that the Mother is not there throws a tantrum kicking and screaming, throwing toys and tearing the house down, not realizing that the Mother is always there holding us, we just can’t feel it for all our kicking and screaming.
In remembering that moment during the chant, feeling the deep yearning for Satchidananda, for Baghavante, I started feeling all around us an inner Temple, an ancient eternal holy place where God is in fact holding us. And I could feel how we have never left God’s Temple. We have never fallen, never been kicked out of Paradise, never been separated, not really. In truth, all of our human existence is happening inside the Temple of God. God loves us so much, we could never leave God’s care, we could never be outside of God’s home for us in Her heart. Everything we have ever done has happened inside this ancient eternal Temple. It is a Temple small enough to fit inside each human heart and a Temple large enough to contain all of humanity. We are always and eternally inside this Temple that contains our lives and all that we are.
As I felt this ancient and loving living Temple around me, my heart broke even more with gratitude. I cried deeply from the comfort that God has never ever left us out in the cold, that we have always been warm and safe inside this ancient Temple of Bhagavan. Just as we have been yearning for God through all the ages, through our evolution and progress and history, God has been answering that yearning in every moment along the way – we just need to stop screaming, rest in the love of God and open to feel it.